Is there age limit to retaliation?
Eu's teacher had wrote that he had biten a classmate's finger during disagreement yesterday, and asked us to talk to him about such inappropriate behaviour. Nothing was written on what caused him to do that.
This morning, when daddy was in school, the teacher asked if he had spoken to Eu about the incident. Daddy answered yes, and tried to find out if what Eu had told him was true. This was what happened:
There is a behavioural chart in the classroom, where good behaviour will entitle a student to a star and bad behaviour to a cross. Eu and this boy were in front of the chart, and Eu started to put stars to his name. This boy then proceed to put crosses instead, and at the same time said: " No, you are going to get cross on Monday, cross on Tuesday, cross on Wednesday...". Eu shouted: "Hey!", but the boy continued and so got biten.
To me, this is a very common and normal incident with children, and both parties need to be told that they were in the wrong, not just my son alone. What got daddy angry with the teacher was when she commented that Eu is in K1, and should not behave in such manner when provoke. But that kid is insulting him! If this was to happen in the adult world, I think the other party would have gotten a black eye.
This morning, when daddy was in school, the teacher asked if he had spoken to Eu about the incident. Daddy answered yes, and tried to find out if what Eu had told him was true. This was what happened:
There is a behavioural chart in the classroom, where good behaviour will entitle a student to a star and bad behaviour to a cross. Eu and this boy were in front of the chart, and Eu started to put stars to his name. This boy then proceed to put crosses instead, and at the same time said: " No, you are going to get cross on Monday, cross on Tuesday, cross on Wednesday...". Eu shouted: "Hey!", but the boy continued and so got biten.
To me, this is a very common and normal incident with children, and both parties need to be told that they were in the wrong, not just my son alone. What got daddy angry with the teacher was when she commented that Eu is in K1, and should not behave in such manner when provoke. But that kid is insulting him! If this was to happen in the adult world, I think the other party would have gotten a black eye.
posted by ky at
5:10 PM
Life arounds two of my precious 
13 Comments:
What's wrong with these teachers? Eu's teacher is like that. Rayner's teacher also like that. Being reasonable adults, we should always listen to both sides isn't it? And as educators, more so they should do that.
True biting isn't a behaviour we want to encourage in kids, but when provoked, sometimes even the most timid kid can get aggressive.
There is something call character and personality in everyone. Children included. From the looks of it, it seems that children are all supposed to adopt one character and one personality. Which is: to conform only!
By
Anonymous, at 16/8/06 17:56
Looking at the superficial, Eu is at wrong because he started the physical injury to another party but the root is his classmate, who provoked him first.
I think the teacher is not doing any mediation but simply reprimand Eu! What kind of teacher? *bang head*
She could hv teach Eu not to get angry over such provocation but simply tell the classmate his words are not very nice and please stop it. If the classmate still persist, approach the teacher. Now, because of his anger, he had hurt his classmate.
As for the provoking classmate, she could hv remind him his words are hurting his classmate feeling and also result in self injury... then make both of them apology.
When children mixed together, the tendency of conflicts and arguments are very frequent. Simple mediation like this, the teacher shd know...reprimand the children is not helping them knowing the right.
I think either change the teacher or change school. If this type of incident happen frequent, it's not going to help Eu anywhere...
By
wtpgRR, at 16/8/06 19:37
Looks like it's time for you to change school..
gosh.. this teacher has not done any child pshychology is it?
By
ZMM, at 16/8/06 20:38
your blog with all the mama stuffs. I like it
By
AndreaGooGoooo, at 17/8/06 10:29
yaya, what's wrong with the educators these days?
Eu's teacher should have stop the arguement there and then and explain to the kids and not put the blame on Eu only.....if she knows and can relate the whole incident to your hubby then she be ashamed of herself, you knew and you didn't do the right thing.....
Eu was wrong to bite the child but if that child didn't provoke him, he would have gotten bitten right....ask the teacher to THINK hard before taking any action.
High time to change school dear!
By
Anonymous, at 17/8/06 10:48
From a bystander's viewpoint, I hope I won't offend anyone, why can't we look at it more objectively? I mean, if this had taken place between 2 adults, would it be acceptable for one to physically hurt the other just because of some insulting remark?
I can understand how you feel as a mother (my daughter was bullied in sch early this year). Did you ask the teacher if she spoke to the other child or his/her parents about the incident too? It does not matter how old the child/adult is, fact remains we should not go round provoking others and physically hurt others when provoked. These are behaviour that should not be tolerated.
By
Anonymous, at 17/8/06 15:22
Seems to me the teacher is prejudiced against Eu.
Yup, why don't you put Eu in another school?
By
Anonymous, at 17/8/06 15:57
Dear anonymous,
If someone still continue to insult you, despite you asking that fellow to stop or had voiced your unhappiness, and you can just leave it alone without doing anything, then I would say your are a saint.
Anyway, my point on this post is not saying getting physical is the way to solve conflicts, but on how the whole situation was being handled.
First of all, why didn't the teacher wrote fully on what had happened? The teacher is fully aware that Eu has difficulties in relating incidents. With that, I'm sure the other kid's parents were not being told of the full story too. Is that being fair as a teacher?
By
ky, at 17/8/06 18:35
I think what the teacher did was quite unfair for them, agree it's common incident with children but why the spearhead only pointed to Eu? K1 then so what, still a little child who needs more explanation rather than saying "should not behave in such manner when provoke". Emm...better change to another class.
By
LHS, at 18/8/06 16:36
All said already. Thought I'd add that the teacher obviously has expectations of children in K1 which, not all can meet. This goes for everyone in all ages. Expectations are just so hard to meet.
By
Mother Superior, at 20/8/06 22:46
To be fair, the moment you (whether adult or child) hurts another physically, you are in the wrong. And that the verdict is sealed. Just like in the law, if u punch someone you could end up in jail even though your reasons for doing so may be valid. (i.e being provoked). Thus anger management is crucial.
But I completely agree that the teacher should seize the moment as a teacheable moment to let both parties know that they have faults. Maybe changing an environment for Eu is not a bad idea afterall. Cos he should not be in an env where fingers are pinted at him without helping him to be a better person in a loving and caring way. That's just my take.
By
Anonymous, at 21/8/06 16:56
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
By
Anonymous, at 24/8/06 16:59
anonymous & janice:
No doubt we do not encourage violent in the society, but even if this is so, this does not mean that reasonable violent cannot be accepted in real life. In a case of a road bully about 1 or 2 years ago, if I remember rightly, a taxi company CEO was found not guilty of causing bodily harm to others for driving recklessly trying to stop a motorist and punched the driver when he managed to stop him. The CEO only needs to pay a small fine which is the lowest penalty of this kind of crime. What lead him to this action was because he felt that his and his pregnant wife life were being endanger when this motorist recklessly overtaking their traveling car which nearly caused a fatal road accident. Verdict from the judge: A reasonable man who encounters danger or being provoke will have a human nature to react of self protection which is reasonable.
I have been following Eu’s progress and can understand his action is extremely a self defend because teachers and children in the school are naming him as the bully. Whenever something bad happen in school, it will always link to Eu. So no matter how hard Eu trys no one seems to acknowledge his improvement or well being and this can be frustrating even in a child.
I feel the teacher in the school is being biases and unfairness towards Eu. Without hearing to his side of the story how can she or anyone else accuse Eu of any wrong doing? In this case, she has no right to judge who is in the wrong without seeing the whole incident happening but only hearing out from one sided story.
By
Anonymous, at 24/8/06 17:16
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